Before i fall to pieces
by Brothers keeper
Summary: A one parter


Before I fall to pieces

_Oh one more drink and then I'll go but there's one more thing I've got to know. Does she take you places I don't, what happened to the story that we wrote._

Dr Meredith Grey stood outside in the drowning rain a newspaper uselessly over her head, staring at her ex betraying her with he sister. Her heart beat faster until she could hear nothing else. Tears began to track down her face to mix with the rain. Her knees betrayed her enough to make her sit on the nearest bench. How could they! How could they! Hadn't she been breathing on her own for over a month now! Isn't that what he'd wanted! She felt her heart break, crack into two one for her and the other for the life they could have had.

Meredith began to move, she felt numb, her mind working over her heart. Her body kept stepping forward. One foot moved in front of the other as her brain began to think. Again the image of Derek kissing Lexie swarm through her mind and gave her purpose. The BASTARD!

_You just say you don't know, you don't know. Oh no you don't know, you don't know._

Meredith reached the hospital entrance soaking wet, water dripping onto the tiled floor. 'how could you!' she screamed at Derek's retreating back.

Derek turned on the spot to face her 'Meredith' shock an over his face 'what happened to you? Your wet through'

'how could you!' was the only thing she could say, think.

Derek looked around 'what are you talking about?'

She could see the guilt in his eyes. Meredith's hand moved of it's own accord, she didn't know what had happened until she heard the crack of her striking his cheek.

Derek was forced back a full step by the unexpected slap.

Meredith stood fuming that had felt good, very good. 'you told me. You told me you couldn't breath for both of us. That's what you said'

Rubbing his aching jaw Derek looked at her 'it's what I meant. I meant it'

'I'm doing it. I'm breathing and you… you're a typical man. You're sleeping with my sister!'

A gasp from behind him told him they had an audience.

_Oh let's just get this whole thing straight, I don't wanna kidnap the truth and negotiate or miss the point that they met you. Just wanna hear you say something that you believe to be true._

'let's do this outside' taking her arm he tried to move he away from prying eyes.

'get your hands off me. Get off me!' pulling her arm from his grip she turned to him 'aren't you going to deny it? Tell me I'm seeing things wrong?' taking a breath she looked into his eyes 'no you're going to tell me I'm sorry. You're going to stand there and say you're bloody sorry!'

Derek took her hand 'but I am sorry' Meredith pulled her hand from his 'I'm sorry Meredith'

Fuming now she shoved him back 'I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to tell them. To turn around and tell me and everyone why. Why you told me and now that I am you're with her!'

Meredith pointed to the woman she shared blood and was trying to get to know.

_You say you don't, you don't know, you just say you don't know. You don't know what it feels like. What it feels like._

Meredith stood facing him anger pouring form her in waves, shooting darts at him from her eyes and he knew. He knew that he had never hurt another person more than the woman standing in front of him. The woman he'd described to himself and so many others as the love of his life. The only one for him. The woman he'd been waiting for his whole life. The person he'd share the rest of his life with and some of those feelings came flooding back and made him feel like slime. "Meredith"

'tell them' tears poured down her dry cheeks 'tell me. Tell me I'm all ready too late!'

_And so I'll go before I fall to pieces. Yes I'll go before I fall to pieces_

Meredith could feel the tears and knowing she was making a scene. Shouting her feelings from the roof tops. Giving the gossip mongers first hand information on the life and times. The failures of Dr Meredith Grey. 'tell me I'm all ready too late' she whispered

She saw the regret, hurt and worst of all understanding in his eyes. She knew after the words had been spoken she have the pity of the hospital and the only man she loved. Had dreamed and planned to make a life with. She was breathing on her own. She was able to do that now.

_Now I'm just waiting for something that might never come. If it's a million to one shot I'll make someone. Seems that nothing is safe, except the truth turns to lies. Never figured it out, I found out why._

Derek took one last look at the woman who'd broken his heart. Who'd he had made this, had betrayed unforgivably with no thought. He turned to do the only thing she asked of him. Turning he saw Lexie, Izzy, Callie, George, Alex, Christina and Addison. He saw sympathy in only one of the faces, the face of his ex wife. 'as you all ready heard' he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to confess his sins he felt a hand on his shoulder.

'I wouldn't win anyway. I could never win, I'm dark and twisty. Dark and twisty never win over shiny and happy' Meredith told him in a calm voice

'what are you talking about? You just said…'

'you hurt me. Hurt me unforgivably Derek. But shiny and happy is what you want. You want to breath on your own and I want you to know I hate you. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate loving you. But most of all I hate you for telling me, making me breathe on my own. But now I can. I can get over you. I can move on because you know what. I can breathe on my own now in my dark and twisty way and I don't need you!'

_so I'll go, yes I'll go, yes I'll go. Oh baby I'll go, oh yes I'll go, yes I'll go. Oh yes I'll go before I fall to pieces. Before I fall to pieces. Yes I'll go before I fall to pieces. Before I fall to pieces._

Lyrics by RAZORLIGHT


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